i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
