I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
