She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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