apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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