I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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