Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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