Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
