Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
