I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
