You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
