I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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