Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
