I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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