There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
