My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
