Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
