My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
