God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
