ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
