Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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