Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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