belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
