i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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