We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
