good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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