Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
