I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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