im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
