I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
