Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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