i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
