I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
