i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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