what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
