So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
