This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
