I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
