I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
