I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
