be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
