so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
