I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
