he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
