You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
