apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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