M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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