Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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