Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
