Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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