i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
