I bet he comes in French.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
