It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
