I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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